“I WISH I had your cross!”

(Simcha Fisher had a good post today that got me thinking about cross-comparisons. 

So, with tongue firmly planted in cheek, here’s my contribution to NFP week:)

I can’t believe that all of you are complaining about NFP, or infertility, or subfertility, or super-fertility (is that a word?). I WISH I had those problems! It’s hard to feel sorry for people whose problem is that they desire their spouses TOO much! They’ve obviously never considered that they could be in an abusive marriage, where they don’t have to worry about NFP because just being in the same room with their spouse is terrifying, much less sleeping with them!

I WISH that I had to worry about having too many kids, instead of spending the rest of my life as a single parent. And I’m not even in the position of being a single, never-married Catholic, because if I don’t get an annulment, then I will NEVER have the option to have all the kids that some Catholics think are required to be faithful. And since I already have a child, I can’t even turn the loss of the marriage into a vocation to the religious life!

If I have to hear one more person complain about their squishy new babies, or talk about how hard it is to abstain from their smoking hot spouse lying a few inches away, I will punch somebody. How about being forced to have nauseating sex in the attempt to persuade your spouse to treat you like a human being, instead of like a piece of garbage? Boo hoo, it’s so terrible that you have a spouse whom you like, and actually want to be around, and have children with! Cry me a river.

Just the fact that you have a spouse with whom you WANT to have kids must be the greatest thing in the world. How can you possibly complain when you don’t dread going to bed every night, afraid that your spouse will touch you and you’ll get sick to your stomach. How bad can life really be if you don’t have to worry every day about committing imaginary offenses that will cause your spouse to throw you and your new baby out into the street? If I could merely feel safe and secure in my own home, then I would HAPPILY endure any type of family-planning issues.

(Okay, that’s my rant! Next person’s turn! You can tell me how lucky I am that I at least have the possibility of getting away from my spouse, or at least I have one child already, or once I’m divorced I’ll have tons of free time to devote to serving the poor, or whatever. Tell me what I should be grateful for that I’m overlooking!)

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