Monthly Archives: July 2017

“I WISH I had your cross!”

(Simcha Fisher had a good post today that got me thinking about cross-comparisons. 

So, with tongue firmly planted in cheek, here’s my contribution to NFP week:)

I can’t believe that all of you are complaining about NFP, or infertility, or subfertility, or super-fertility (is that a word?). I WISH I had those problems! It’s hard to feel sorry for people whose problem is that they desire their spouses TOO much! They’ve obviously never considered that they could be in an abusive marriage, where they don’t have to worry about NFP because just being in the same room with their spouse is terrifying, much less sleeping with them!

I WISH that I had to worry about having too many kids, instead of spending the rest of my life as a single parent. And I’m not even in the position of being a single, never-married Catholic, because if I don’t get an annulment, then I will NEVER have the option to have all the kids that some Catholics think are required to be faithful. And since I already have a child, I can’t even turn the loss of the marriage into a vocation to the religious life!

If I have to hear one more person complain about their squishy new babies, or talk about how hard it is to abstain from their smoking hot spouse lying a few inches away, I will punch somebody. How about being forced to have nauseating sex in the attempt to persuade your spouse to treat you like a human being, instead of like a piece of garbage? Boo hoo, it’s so terrible that you have a spouse whom you like, and actually want to be around, and have children with! Cry me a river.

Just the fact that you have a spouse with whom you WANT to have kids must be the greatest thing in the world. How can you possibly complain when you don’t dread going to bed every night, afraid that your spouse will touch you and you’ll get sick to your stomach. How bad can life really be if you don’t have to worry every day about committing imaginary offenses that will cause your spouse to throw you and your new baby out into the street? If I could merely feel safe and secure in my own home, then I would HAPPILY endure any type of family-planning issues.

(Okay, that’s my rant! Next person’s turn! You can tell me how lucky I am that I at least have the possibility of getting away from my spouse, or at least I have one child already, or once I’m divorced I’ll have tons of free time to devote to serving the poor, or whatever. Tell me what I should be grateful for that I’m overlooking!)

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Categories: Uncategorized

How to be a faithful Catholic

I’m probably just giving myself a complex; I shouldn’t spend all my time reading Catholic mommy blogs. But it presents a question: how should I live as a faithful Catholic, given my state in life, when my state in life is all kinds of messed up?

I wasn’t Catholic when I married (neither was my husband), but our goal was that we would have a bunch of kids, he would work, and I would stay home and care for / homeschool the kids. (We kinda did this backwards, I see now. Usually people decide to do all those things AFTER they convert.) But in my back-asswards world, I’ve moved FARTHER from the desirable “Catholic wife/mother” state AFTER my husband and I joined the Church.

I realized that my husband’s behavior was abusive about 4 years after we married, 3 years after we started living in the same place. This was before I had any interest in Catholicism. I told myself that marriage was for life, and that I would stay with him for our child. Perversely, my journey toward the Church aligned with the eventual collapse of our marriage. The closer I got to Catholicism, the more I came to realize that I could not live with him any longer, not for the rest of my life, not for 12 more years, not for any longer than absolutely necessary.

So now I’m in the weird position of becoming a single mother, who has to send her child to group school so that she can work to support them — AFTER having joined the Church and acceded to its teachings. Hence my question: how should I be a faithful Catholic? The mommy bloggers talk about serving their husbands and children, confident in their vocation to matrimony. What about those of us who lost our traditional family since joining the Church? Discerning a vocation to a contemplative convent seems impossible, as much fun as it sounds. I will have no husband toward whom to direct a vocation. If no evidence for nullity is found, I will spend the rest of my life alone. (Honestly, even if we do get an annulment, I have no intention of ever marrying again. Knowing the potential for marriage becoming a living hell, I can’t imagine ever taking that risk.)

Is there a blogosphere for divorced Catholic single moms? Or should I just stop torturing myself via the Internet?

Categories: Uncategorized

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